This year and part of last year I have learnt alot about friendship and just how special and amazing they can be, I have always struggled to make friends for a number of reasons and I suppose that now I have few but very special friends who I believe protect the little sanity I have left, My housemates are terrific and although tonight they heard things that I would rather that they didnt hear I know that they will still love me for the insanity and craziness that I offer.
Friends are funny though and I do have this crazy overiding fear that I will scare them all away with the insanity and depressiveness that I can sometimes give across. But now I am confident that I will stay friends with them for the rest of my life (He says hopefully)
This evening like so many others was crazy and I did something that I never want to do again I vistited a dark dark place in a dark dark street in a (you get the idea) and it hurt me amazing and my confidence is indeed waning and I hate it all. I just want too enjoy this crazy life and this crazy crazy thing called love and not feel like the bad guy and the villian and be able to fight and not dance on swords like some crazy guy and just know the love that keeps me going and making me fight on this crazy thing called life. ( Ignore the amount of Crazy) My frazzled brain doesnt let me write normally and cohesivly at the best of times. I just felt so hard tonight that my love cannot trust my judgement because yes ill admit ive made some mistakes in the past but Im not as stupid as people think and I cant switch my moods off and on like a light because I am complex and screwed over from so much and I try with all my mortal being to the be "that guy" you want to be friends with but in my heart I know Im a let down.
No comments:
Post a Comment