Well that really hurt,
My Love who tore out my heart and blasted
it apart and when I sat there and cried and
you couldnt listen to me. It hurt so much what
you said and I still feel in pain and though
you think it is better you have scared my heart
and I know you say how I have hurt you and let
you done and for that I am sorry and cannot say enough.
The truth is I really do love you but
you made me do this to my hands and be in pain and everything looks darker
as once again I am scared that I cannot be perfect for you
If just for one day I could make you see yourself through my eyes
then you would never doubt the love I hold for you.
That Panic Attack was the worst ever because as I lied there waiting and wanting
to do you still carried on with your words and confirmed every dark thought
in my mind and brought to life to hack away at me again as it did in childhood.
You asked me to ask you a question
that you do not know the answer too.
So fuck you for fucking me up for making me this fucked up
person who wishes with all his heart that he could sort his fucking self
out to please the fucking woman he so fucking loves.
All I want is you and not be scared to have friends and be able
to express my fractured mind in its funny (but annoying) ways.
And have your love to see me through and
feel like that boy you fell in love with once more.
Love me and Kill me can the two thoughts exsist together?
Please Open the Curtians
Thursday, 27 January 2011
Tuesday, 25 January 2011
Suprise attack from the past
You wont get the title thats a good thing,
Tonight everything is good.
Life has hope and it is good.
I still have fear and still feel insane but winter will soon melt into spring
Maybe it will be good a fresh start
without losing you
taking everyday one at a time
one by one
as summer solves it all
Tonight everything is good.
Life has hope and it is good.
I still have fear and still feel insane but winter will soon melt into spring
Maybe it will be good a fresh start
without losing you
taking everyday one at a time
one by one
as summer solves it all
Saturday, 22 January 2011
Please
Someone Please open the curtains
Restore my faith in Life and Hope
And lead me to a saner life
Tomorrow
Please let me sleep just through the pain
Restore my faith in Life and Hope
And lead me to a saner life
Tomorrow
Please let me sleep just through the pain
Friday, 21 January 2011
Complex
A word used to describe something challange or well complex
This is how I feel and I just feel so angry and unable to contain my emotions
I wish someone could recuse me
I wish you could see me and not look away in fear my love.
Just look and see the man you loved he is still there and wants to be taken in your arms
I hate thinking like this and everything being dark
I dunno I just dunno how I feel
I just wish someone would save me and take me far away and I could fall into there arms and just sleep.
Sleep would be awesome at 1 in the morning as
would some understanding and a fez.
I would love someone to tell me why Im feeling these very Complex emotions
Its like one minuite I sat there this evening smiling and jumping and now Im laying in bed all alone and crying
I dont want too be normal far from it in fact I LOVE my insanity
I just wish I could control my emotions
And keep them all locked away so
they couldnt harm or upset anyone
I hate upsetting people
I just dont want
to be alone again
in the dark without
the love that youve
shown me
I wish I could smile about the future and dream of our wedding and me amusing you over some stupid joke but I CANT do that can.
I try so hard to understand.
But I Cant Im not a normal person
Im a failure and I wish I could understand you and take you far away from your problems.
I wish for that and I try but I am fucked up and for that I am sorry.
Just Remember: Once youve established life is a horrible nightmare, You have to live it with as much freedom happiness and joy as you can.
Please someone open the curtians and someone not fear me on the other side of them
This is how I feel and I just feel so angry and unable to contain my emotions
I wish someone could recuse me
I wish you could see me and not look away in fear my love.
Just look and see the man you loved he is still there and wants to be taken in your arms
I hate thinking like this and everything being dark
I dunno I just dunno how I feel
I just wish someone would save me and take me far away and I could fall into there arms and just sleep.
Sleep would be awesome at 1 in the morning as
would some understanding and a fez.
I would love someone to tell me why Im feeling these very Complex emotions
Its like one minuite I sat there this evening smiling and jumping and now Im laying in bed all alone and crying
I dont want too be normal far from it in fact I LOVE my insanity
I just wish I could control my emotions
And keep them all locked away so
they couldnt harm or upset anyone
I hate upsetting people
I just dont want
to be alone again
in the dark without
the love that youve
shown me
I wish I could smile about the future and dream of our wedding and me amusing you over some stupid joke but I CANT do that can.
I try so hard to understand.
But I Cant Im not a normal person
Im a failure and I wish I could understand you and take you far away from your problems.
I wish for that and I try but I am fucked up and for that I am sorry.
Just Remember: Once youve established life is a horrible nightmare, You have to live it with as much freedom happiness and joy as you can.
Please someone open the curtians and someone not fear me on the other side of them
Wednesday, 19 January 2011
A night with Miss.Pond
Gotcha Didnt I?
This part of my Blog goes out too Miss.Pond a friend who knows who she is and I am just saying thank you for listening again at 12:00 at night to my rant and seeing that Im just that bit more complex. I suppose that things are going good though I am scared and what happened today on the family front was just a bit not good really. I feel incredibly scared and dark at the moment and the annoying thing is I dont know why. Miss.Pond thank you for being you and dont worry about saving me you already have more then most people I know (Superfriends you have too dont worry) I just I dunno really feel cold and lonely at the minute which is odd because my beloved is being nice to me and we are getting on and
I am making her laugh which means a lot too me and thats fine I dont mind being the jester in fact a lot of the time its all ive got really but Im just worried that Ill screw it all up or something will happen and I hate fear almost as much as I hate self harm. I hate the dark and wish I could stay out of the shadows again.
Anyway Pond thank you for the talk tonight it was nice to be contact with a nice friend again.
On With The Show
This part of my Blog goes out too Miss.Pond a friend who knows who she is and I am just saying thank you for listening again at 12:00 at night to my rant and seeing that Im just that bit more complex. I suppose that things are going good though I am scared and what happened today on the family front was just a bit not good really. I feel incredibly scared and dark at the moment and the annoying thing is I dont know why. Miss.Pond thank you for being you and dont worry about saving me you already have more then most people I know (Superfriends you have too dont worry) I just I dunno really feel cold and lonely at the minute which is odd because my beloved is being nice to me and we are getting on and
I am making her laugh which means a lot too me and thats fine I dont mind being the jester in fact a lot of the time its all ive got really but Im just worried that Ill screw it all up or something will happen and I hate fear almost as much as I hate self harm. I hate the dark and wish I could stay out of the shadows again.
Anyway Pond thank you for the talk tonight it was nice to be contact with a nice friend again.
On With The Show
Tuesday, 18 January 2011
Some Kind of Words
So its just been one of those weekends with arguments and smiles hidden behind tears and I wondered why I am still with her the one who just cant see.
The Answer for once for in my life is just so very simple behind that anger, rage and tears I see the women I fell in love with and it hurts to see her in pain.
I just want to save her
But I know that sometimes to save someone you must walk away.
But I cant I wish I could sometimes.
It would take the pain away.
This pain that makes me write in this uncomfortable style
But I dont want too lose her because I love her and when I had nothing left she was there guiding me through life lighting it all up and making me see sense, but now I am questioning all that with my tears.
This gets me wondering what does the future hold in its infante plan for us all.
I wish I could see it just a sweet glimpse of me and her together.
She sees that I love her and can just cuddle her and she is calm and not this raging whirlwind that will destroy us both.
Maybe I should calm down and not worry and maybe just maybe get on with some work.
I thought about my life as a collective whole today and just thought you not I guess that I should pick myself up and just keep on truckin and not worry about all.
Ive faced worse (Alone)
This feels dark like living in a Dark Dark Town In a Dark Dark (Ten points if you get the refrence)
I just wish someone could meet me at my window again and take me away from this painful realitly for just a few hours or someone could jsut listen and see me for me
and not be scared or unhappy
Thats what I want again
The Answer for once for in my life is just so very simple behind that anger, rage and tears I see the women I fell in love with and it hurts to see her in pain.
I just want to save her
But I know that sometimes to save someone you must walk away.
But I cant I wish I could sometimes.
It would take the pain away.
This pain that makes me write in this uncomfortable style
But I dont want too lose her because I love her and when I had nothing left she was there guiding me through life lighting it all up and making me see sense, but now I am questioning all that with my tears.
This gets me wondering what does the future hold in its infante plan for us all.
I wish I could see it just a sweet glimpse of me and her together.
She sees that I love her and can just cuddle her and she is calm and not this raging whirlwind that will destroy us both.
Maybe I should calm down and not worry and maybe just maybe get on with some work.
I thought about my life as a collective whole today and just thought you not I guess that I should pick myself up and just keep on truckin and not worry about all.
Ive faced worse (Alone)
This feels dark like living in a Dark Dark Town In a Dark Dark (Ten points if you get the refrence)
I just wish someone could meet me at my window again and take me away from this painful realitly for just a few hours or someone could jsut listen and see me for me
and not be scared or unhappy
Thats what I want again
Friday, 14 January 2011
Burn
I just am very destroyed more then usaul
Im jsut sitting here destroyed ffs why is everything being burnt
I wish I could just leave for the day
And pray for a saner life tomorrow with some happiness and love
Its just all burning and all I want is for her too see how much I love her
I wouldnt do this for anyone else but you
But you cant see that you have nothing too fear my angel
But I know you wont
and that kills
me more
then the
arguing.
Im jsut sitting here destroyed ffs why is everything being burnt
I wish I could just leave for the day
And pray for a saner life tomorrow with some happiness and love
Its just all burning and all I want is for her too see how much I love her
I wouldnt do this for anyone else but you
But you cant see that you have nothing too fear my angel
But I know you wont
and that kills
me more
then the
arguing.
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